Letting go….

From the word “go” after I found out I was pregnant with H, I knew everything would change, my whole world transformed, my life came to a cross road where decisions were made and I was not the one making them….but they were for the better, and if I look back, not a day goes by where I regret the decisions that were made, in fact I LOVE them, I love my littlest Biekies more than ever!

I vowed to always be there for them, with every smile and through every tear, to love them, cherish them but even more, cherish every moment that I spent with them, because those are the moments that last a life time.

But disappointingly, I came to the realization that as a mother, I cannot always be there for them, there will be moments in life where they will have to face the world on their own, not only to learn from it and become a better person, but also to build inner strength and confidence, which to me, is two of the more valuable lessons to learn in life.

And last week was one of those moments, my littlest went to visit his Granddad for the week, yes, and whole week, that is a total of 6 nights where my Biekie was not sleeping at home, in his own bed, in his room next to mine….

I put on a brave face as we drove away last Sunday, with my Biekie sitting on my father’s shoulder, smiling and waving goodbye, on the outside I was smiling and waving a final goodbye back at him, but my insides were shattering at the thought of having to leave him behind. And yes, I knew he would be fine, and that my dad would not allow anything to happen to him, and that he would take care of him (almost as good as I would have done…), but how do you tell the mother-heart to be still?

They went fishing on Monday, he caught two fish, and as he told me of those two fish, I could just hear his little voice bursting of proudness, and once again I had to tell my mother-heart to “calm down and be still”, cause I was so proud of him that my chest actually hurt.

We phoned him every night, got updated on their daily doings, on how much he got spoiled, what they ate and how much he loves us.

He missed the littlest, and she missed him, both of them got overly excited when they heard each other’s voices over the phone, littlest would grab the phone from my hand, press it tightly against her ear and just listen as her brother rambled away….and dare try and take that phone from her hand….

On the littlest side of the Biekies…it was as if sister knew she was the only one left and in total control for the time being. She blossomed and bloomed, she transformed into an independent little soul in the blink of an eye, and although she missed her brother, I think she enjoyed being in charge, only if it was for a little while.

Christmas is around the corner, less than a month to go. The town is slowly but surely transforming into every child (and most adults) dream, with shining, flashing Christmas lights in the shape of stars, candles, etc, appearing on lamp posts all around town. In the middle of the town, a massive Christmas Tree is being erected and decorated. On Christmas Day, the Big Red Truck will drive around town, handing out sweets and goodies to all the children whilst Christmas Carols stream from the big speakers fitted on the roof of the truck.

But we are once again reminded to be humble, to be grateful and to give thanks for what we have, cause each new day presented to us is borrowed time, it is a gift from the Heavenly Father, and we should never forget that.

I heard some very wise words from a “Johnny Walker” ad on TV the other night (who would have thought), and it said : It is not what is underneath the Christmas Tree that matters, but who surrounds it… No further explanation needed

Well, I have all my Biekies back under one roof, our Christmas Tree is proudly displaying its decorations from the corner of the living room, and, as soon as Daddy fixes the other set of Christmas lights, will the kitchen window be hosting its own set of blinking lights this year…