Only miss the sun when it starts to snow…

I have totally neglected my blog lately, it has (and still is) been hectic trying to keep all the schedules running smoothly…it’s been hectic just to keep them running, never mind smoothly, but we are getting there.


Life is not always warm and fuzzy, but we development different coping mechanisms to get us through those moment and carry on, carry on as if nothing is wrong….just carry on.

The other night we were watching an episode of “How I met your mother” and Lilly told Ted that there were days where she wished that she was not a mother (and no, she did not mean it in a bad way), that she could just pack her bags and get away from it all. She told him that before she got pregnant, painting was her passion, that she would spend hours on end painting, but since the baby was born, she had not touched a paintbrush.

And somehow I could relate to her statement, we all get to a point in our lives where we just want to pack our bags and get away from it all, and just for a few moments allow ourselves to take a deep breath.

There are days where it really feels as if Lady Luck turned her back, where I cannot feel her warm smile beam from her face. Days where I battle with each step I take, where I battle to remind myself that the sun will shine again. And it is times like these where I feel unappreciated, where it feels as if all that I do is in vain, where is does not matter to those around me, as if it is self-evident that only I am responsible for the things that need to be done.

I want to climb onto my soapbox and make myself heard, make sure that they know exactly how I feel, but I don’t…I keep quiet, not wanting to sound unappreciative of what I have and those I love, and those feelings become a subconscious battle between myself and I. Because in my mind I can not hurt others with my words, and I can not speak without thinking, so I keep on fighting with myself, arguing about these things over and over again, till finally I am emotionally exhausted and I let it go, drifting away like a little paper boat on a raging river, watching as the raging rapids bash the little boat from side to side until it finally drifts slowly to the bottom of the river, gone and forgotten.

I was never good at dealing with my feelings, and I have never successfully learned to master the technique. And I don’t like talking about my feelings, maybe in my mind I feel that talking about your feelings makes you a weakling, it show your weaknesses to the world, which will allow it to step on you, to kick when you are already down. If I keep it to myself, nobody can take a kick or a bash at me, they will just leave me alone. Alone is not always that bad, it allows me to struggle and unravel things in my mind, help me understand things a bit better, helps me understand myself better.

But my mind is a babbling mess, uncontrollable chaos. I wish there was just a small fraction of a moment where I can escape to, just leave everything behind, forget about things that need to be done, forget about responsibilities, just sit by myself and wallow in self-pity.

But the sun will shine again tomorrow

Season Greetings and New Year’s Blessings

My wish for all of you is a merry, blessed and fruitful 2013!

Our festive season included the following :

• Littlest meeting the sea, sandy shores and crashing waves for the first time, and she could not stop giggling while doing so

• Biekies soaking up every last bit of said sea, sandy shores and crashing waves, making pretty sure they leave nothing behind to be regretted later

 

• They hopped, skipped and jumped from one rock to another, carefully inspecting the rock pools, observing it’s inhabitants, amazed by the little creatures that could be found

 

• We took a trip to Stilbaai to visit the well-known Fresh Water Spring and it’s eel- residents which can be found at the Stilbaai Tourism Bureau and Museum




• We visited granddad’s workplace, where H got a ride in one of their very BIG John Deere thingies…he was ecstatic to say the least, where as Z preferred to observe it all from the safety of her mamma’s hip

 

• And then, the big highlight of the entire holiday…..littlest impatiently awaiting the arrival of Father Christmas!!

 

But this year our Christmas Story was slightly different than the previous :

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house

Biekies was stirring, scaring even the mouse
Santa phoned, not once, not twice but trice
Asking if the children are being naughty or nice

Grandpa told us the story
Of Santa and all the Christmas Glory
Eyes began to sparkle and smiles grew wide
As Biekies sat listening, side by side

Over the mountains and through the valleys he came
Calling each reindeer by their name
But in Oudshoorn he had to make a quick stop
As reindeer grew exhausted and was about to drop

He exchanged his reindeers and sleigh
For a big-ass motorbike on which he could cruise the highway
He requested that only a glass of milk be left outside
with no time to spare, he could only drop, drink and ride

Far in the distance, we heard a rumble, we heard a noise,
and as we opened the front door….oh the joys!

There was excitement and laughter and smiles
Making it all truly worthwhile!!!…..

We really enjoyed our holiday, although it was a bit short, but hey, who am I to complain. We got to see a different side of Z, as if we got to know her a little bit better, being apart for almost 11 hours a day can be difficult on any parent-child relationship. She is such an amazing little person, and some days we really do underestimate her, but this holiday she proved to be a very clever, brave, energetic littlest person.

 

I have been pondering on this subject for a few days now, and have once again managed to force my foot into my mouth and down my throat about this, and the wrong person got stuck in the crossfire. And yes, I am truly sorry for tipping the apple cart upside down, but please try and see all of this through my eyes, try and understand…. (And might I not be stoned for speaking my mind on my blog)

 

Whilst on vacation I had some time to rekindle my love for my camera and photography, and I was once again reminded how much I love doing it, it is my passion and something I feel really strong about. I don’t take photos just because it is one more photo to be filed on the computer and forgotten about, I take photos because for me each and every photo I take is soaked with love and precious memories. I don’t mind sharing my photos but then I wish to be the one sharing them with everyone.

And who would have though that one year passed since this….

H passed Gr. 0 with an amazing report and a very good assessment, and we proceeded with our preparations for Gr. 1 this year.

Dressed in a neatly ironed school uniform (exclude the shoes as they do not fit at all anymore), lunch packed, stationary marked and backpack ready, we started the new school year with great anticipation. And a few weeks’ later things have been going good, so I am one very happy mamma!

And some more exciting times to come for us as family. My little baby sister is getting married!! Oh jippie! We have been waiting for this for so long. She went through some pretty trying times these last couple of months, and have been blessed with a wonderful fiancé, they adore each other, and I am so proud of her!

As most things in this life, a marriage is not “born” perfect, but through hard work and perseverance it is possible to create the most beautiful and perfect relationship and marriage. And if one remembers to include communication, love, trust and mutual respect, you have indeed a winning formula!