Searching for the “pause-button”…..

I completed the application forms for Gr-0 for H the other night….it broke my heart and left me with a turmoil of emotions. Where has time gone and what the hell did he do with my little baby? And if it were not too much to ask, would time mind just hitting the “pause-button”?


I need to savour of a few more moments, I need to recall and cherish a few more memories, and I need my littlest to be little just a tad bit longer…

But although it feels like I lost my grip on time, I have to admit that we do enjoy the littlest grown-up person he is turning into, for instance, the other night he assembled the track for the skylectric (which he got from grandpa) all on his own, and he did not do a bad job in doing so. After said track was assembled, I was proudly informed that “ek kan die pad myself bou want ek is ‘n groot seun mos”. It made me proud…knowing that he is attempting more things on his own and relying less and less on our help and assistance. I’m also encouraging him to try things for himself, rather than leaping in and showing him how to do it, cause I realised, as much as I hate it, maybe I need to let go….

We are in the process of converting the (only) tree in our back garden into a tree-house for Hanco, because come on, every little boy needs a tree house, a tree house that magically converts into a pirate’s ship that sails the seven seas, collecting precious treasures, or a space shuttle launching itself deep into space, flying between stars, milky ways and planets, a tree house to hide away from annoying little sisters, to camp-out in and do sleep-overs.

Oh yes, and I guess it is safe to say that we survived our first Valie-winter, never thought we would be able to say this, but yes, we survived.

I am madly, deeply, utterly in love with spring this year, spring signals new beginnings, away with the old and dusty and in with the new and blooming…

Unfortunately, our spring did not have a rosy and chirpy start to it, cause I was admitted to hospital on the 1st of September 2011 for a scheduled D&C….yes, unfortunately our pregnancy was terminated at just over 12 weeks due to medical reasons. To me as a mother, this was probably the MOST difficult decision I had to make, cause the ripples this stone cause in our little pond goes way beyond what the eye will ever be able to see. And the unconscious fight between Forgiveness vs. Guilt will linger in my being and my soul for days and nights to come. But we are all entitled too forgiveness, and although I know that my faith allowed me to be forgiven, I still have to allow myself to forgive

The love and support we received (and are still receiving) in these difficult times, is just overwhelming, family and friends (and yes, even cyber-space friends) reached out to us and touched our hearts and lives with their love, caring and support, and to all of them we will be forever grateful. I don’t think any dictionary or thesaurus will be able to explain the gratitude we have towards these people.

But we decided to keep our little boat afloat amidst the giant waves caused by this, we will keep sailing towards to sun, keep our heads up high and our faith even higher

…. cause the sun will always shine again tomorrow

Photo-board : Playing with grandpa's Army Gear

 

Creating a better B, one step at a time

Sometimes an action taken, a conversation spoken, a moment in time, can make you stop and start thinking. Thinking and asking if this is really the person you like to be. I had such a moment yesterday, and I realized that I am not completely satisfied with me, the person I am, and just there and then I decided that it is time to create a better me, not change, but just to become a better person. I want to lead my kids by example and actions, not with “because I told you so”….



"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."

“Do not mess with Karma”

This will be my daily reminder, my guideline and my motivation.

I know I can do this, it is as easy as taking it one step and one day at a time.

A change is as good as a holiday....

I have done a lot of thinking over the last couple of weeks, maybe it is due to the fact that I will be turning 30 in a few months, or maybe due to the fact that I am pregnant for the 3rd time, or maybe it is just the hormonal imbalance mixed with “adulthood” that is causing all this craziness, but what ever this is causing, I am kind of enjoying all of this.

I am considering editing and reconstructing my blogs, maybe merging them, not only because I am limited by time these days, but also because my children are just a part of me than I am, therefore I don’t see the use of keeping them, the most precious part of me, separated. 

I find myself lost in blogs WAAAAYYYY to much these days, reading them over and over again, discovering new ones, getting inspired by them, creating new dreams and ideas because of what I see and what I read. I colored my hair, (sort of) manicured my nails, I’m collecting baking recipes like mad (not that I can bake by the way, but I need to try them all), I surfing the internet for DIY ideas for the new house, and I am going bonkers-mad to get my hands back on my camera again and going snapshot-crazy.

I’m trying to take a new approach regarding my kids as well, the interaction between us, inspiring them, broadening their horizons, stimulating their senses, and just trying in general to do things from a different perspective. Using the words “No” and “don’t” less and less, instead of saying “You’re not doing it right, come let me show you” rather say “you can do it, try again”, changing the negative into more positive.  Instead of fighting with Zhané trying to get her fed, rather give her the spoon and the freedom of trying it herself, and in the process of creating a mess, also give her the opportunity to learn and discover at the same time.

Our time at home gets filled with “side-walk” art, chalkboard dust floating in the air, toys decorating the hallway, bath-time bubbles, sibling chuckles and giggles. When things go hectic, when I’m wishing that I was able to transform into an eight-armed bionic woman, I’ll take a moment to watch Hanco’s little face fill with concentration as he creates yet another master piece out of his lego blocks and I’ll swoop Zhané into my arms and place her next to me on the kitchen-top counter to watch and play as mommy prepares dinner.

Maybe, just maybe, with 30 creeping up to me, I’m realizing that maybe there is more to life than having a clean kitchen with all the dishes done before you go to bed, maybe there is more to life than having everything in the house perfect and in its place. Life is what you make of it, and I want to make every minute count, fill every moment with laughter, joy, special moments, loving times, and doing all of this with a smile on my face. Yes, there will be difficult days, days filled with thunder and rain, but with the thunder and rain comes a rainbow-promise that the sun will shine again….

Happy 5th Birthday my Biekie-Baba!!

Verjaarsdagwense vir my liewe, lawwe Biekie-bouter

Mamma se boodskap op Facebook :
Today one year ago we entered a new chapter in life, we were blessed with a precious, littlest Biekie-bouter, the joys, love and blessings we received from her is endless! Very merry first birthday Zhané, we love you more than words can EVER describe!!


Happy FIRST birthday my sweet, littlest Biekie-bouter!
June 28 at 7:30am via BlackBerry ·

Melanie Coetsee Baie geluk met Zhane se eerste verjaardaggie!!! xx

Melinda Botha Veels geluk Zhanetjie. Ons is baie lief vir jou. xxxx

Elisca Coetsee Baie Baie geluk mt haar verjaarsdag, ons hoop pappa en mamma bederf haar verskriklik!!! Lovies Elisca en Johan

Kandis Durant happy happy big girl

Melissa Jordaan Oberholster Jacobs HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Deon Schaap Veels geluk Zhane, hoop dis n dag vol pret en prezzies. en baie liefde!

Melinda Botha baie geluk Zhanetjie. ons is baie lief vir jou.

Tertia Coetsee Baie geluk met Zhane met jou eerste verjaarsdag, geniet dit, hou hulle besig!

Deune Schutte Geluk mt klein biki-bouter se bday, hoop sy bring jul nog baie liefde enn geluk ini toekoms! Kani glo sy word so groot ni, tyd vlieg! X

Eileen Shaw Happy birthday precious girl x x

Siviwe Mxakaza Mbatha happy birthday twinnie from O

Erdna Kruger Happy birthday Z!!!!!

Nicky Meintjes happy birthday

Anita Schaap Happy biekie-birthday!

Yolande Carter Haasbroek Happy birthday xxx

Lea-Anne Clayton Happeeee birfday Zhane

Irene Mileham Broome Happy Happy Birthday beautiful girl may your toddler years be full of new discoveries and adventures

Marina Blignaut Baie geluk met gesiggie se verjaardsag vandag. Ek hoop sy bring julle al die vreugde en geluk in die lewe. Sy raak net te oulik...

Megan Moller Geluk met Zhane se verjaarsdag. Ek weet sommer dat sy julle nog baie jare van vreugde gan gee. Xx

Sheena Smolak Nee Brown Happy birthday precious little girl and congratulations mommy for doing such a brilliant job!

Michelle Claire Booysen happy birthday xx

Mel Honiball

Happy birthday vir daardie pragtige qutie pie van jou! My wens vir haar: Dat sy op die regte ouderdom eendag n wonderlike persoon sal ontmoet en die wonderlike ervaring van ware liefde vir die res van haar lewe sal ondervind!

Chantelle Ceronie

Baie geluk met sussie se 1ste verjaarsdag! Gee haar 'n soentjie van my af! XXX

Sheena Smolak Nee Brown

Happy Birthday to Zhané. I hope you all have a wonderful day and that the year ahead is truely blessed. xxxx

Mandri Wessels Olivier

Baie geluk met julle biekie bouter se eerste verjaarsdag! Mag sy vir julle nog baie vreugde bring!

Christine Wolmarans Hay

Veels geluk met jou bb se heel eerste verjaarsdag, Beniet. Ek glo sy is en sal vir altyd 'n vreugde en seen vir julle wees. Xx

Monzelle de Villiers

Baie geluk met Zhané se 1ste verjaarsdag! Mag dit 'n wonderlike dag wees. Ek glo sy word sommer hope bederf!

Lilian January

Happy birthday Zhane'. God's richest blessings to you and your parents and brother! Have a blessed day!

Elmarie Ceronie

Aan di mooiste kleindogter in di wereld, baie geluk Zhane met jou bday. Mag di jaar wat voorle net so mooi wees soos di jaar wat verby is. Mag Jesus jou styf toevou in Sy arms en oorvloedig seen. Lief jou baie xxx

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Zhané : Jou HEEL EERSTE Biekie-birthday!

Jy is 'n volle een jaar oud vandag!! Jy het vanoggend al dansend en wiegend op die bed gesit terwyl "Veels geluk liewe maatjie, omdat jy verjaar" se skewe note deur die kamer baljaar het.  Jip, jy is 'n drama-queen van formaat en het defnitief die aandag geniet, jy het ook ewe kordaat "ja" met jou koppie geknik toe jy gevra word of dit jou verjaarsdag vandag is, so asof jy presies verstaan waaroor als gaan, wat my eintlik nie sal verbaas nie.
Jy het al soveel mylpale behaal, en jy doen dit moet soveel entoesiasme en ywer, dat ek soms stilstaan en met verbasing jou aanstaar, want jy is eenvoudig net amazing!
Jy kan al op jou eie staan, en het al so een of twee treetjies aangedurf, maar nog nie veel meer as dit nie.  Jy begin ook al hoe meer en meer woordtjies kaf draf, soos : da-da, ma-ma, ba-ba, dans-dans, seun
Ons het vir jou laat oorbelle inskiet op jou 11-maande herdenking, en dit lyk te skattig, en gelukkig pas skattig by skattig, want ja, jy is skattig!
Hoop jy het jou daggie geniet, en mag jy net nog meer ons lewens met lag, plesier, vreugde en vrede vul, want om jou en boetie as my Biekies te hê is voorwaar my trotste oomblikke in die lewe!
Liefies jou my liewe, lawwe Biekie-bouter!

Lunar Eclipse (15/06/2011)