Season Greetings and New Year’s Blessings

My wish for all of you is a merry, blessed and fruitful 2013!

Our festive season included the following :

• Littlest meeting the sea, sandy shores and crashing waves for the first time, and she could not stop giggling while doing so

• Biekies soaking up every last bit of said sea, sandy shores and crashing waves, making pretty sure they leave nothing behind to be regretted later

 

• They hopped, skipped and jumped from one rock to another, carefully inspecting the rock pools, observing it’s inhabitants, amazed by the little creatures that could be found

 

• We took a trip to Stilbaai to visit the well-known Fresh Water Spring and it’s eel- residents which can be found at the Stilbaai Tourism Bureau and Museum




• We visited granddad’s workplace, where H got a ride in one of their very BIG John Deere thingies…he was ecstatic to say the least, where as Z preferred to observe it all from the safety of her mamma’s hip

 

• And then, the big highlight of the entire holiday…..littlest impatiently awaiting the arrival of Father Christmas!!

 

But this year our Christmas Story was slightly different than the previous :

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house

Biekies was stirring, scaring even the mouse
Santa phoned, not once, not twice but trice
Asking if the children are being naughty or nice

Grandpa told us the story
Of Santa and all the Christmas Glory
Eyes began to sparkle and smiles grew wide
As Biekies sat listening, side by side

Over the mountains and through the valleys he came
Calling each reindeer by their name
But in Oudshoorn he had to make a quick stop
As reindeer grew exhausted and was about to drop

He exchanged his reindeers and sleigh
For a big-ass motorbike on which he could cruise the highway
He requested that only a glass of milk be left outside
with no time to spare, he could only drop, drink and ride

Far in the distance, we heard a rumble, we heard a noise,
and as we opened the front door….oh the joys!

There was excitement and laughter and smiles
Making it all truly worthwhile!!!…..

We really enjoyed our holiday, although it was a bit short, but hey, who am I to complain. We got to see a different side of Z, as if we got to know her a little bit better, being apart for almost 11 hours a day can be difficult on any parent-child relationship. She is such an amazing little person, and some days we really do underestimate her, but this holiday she proved to be a very clever, brave, energetic littlest person.

 

I have been pondering on this subject for a few days now, and have once again managed to force my foot into my mouth and down my throat about this, and the wrong person got stuck in the crossfire. And yes, I am truly sorry for tipping the apple cart upside down, but please try and see all of this through my eyes, try and understand…. (And might I not be stoned for speaking my mind on my blog)

 

Whilst on vacation I had some time to rekindle my love for my camera and photography, and I was once again reminded how much I love doing it, it is my passion and something I feel really strong about. I don’t take photos just because it is one more photo to be filed on the computer and forgotten about, I take photos because for me each and every photo I take is soaked with love and precious memories. I don’t mind sharing my photos but then I wish to be the one sharing them with everyone.

And who would have though that one year passed since this….

H passed Gr. 0 with an amazing report and a very good assessment, and we proceeded with our preparations for Gr. 1 this year.

Dressed in a neatly ironed school uniform (exclude the shoes as they do not fit at all anymore), lunch packed, stationary marked and backpack ready, we started the new school year with great anticipation. And a few weeks’ later things have been going good, so I am one very happy mamma!

And some more exciting times to come for us as family. My little baby sister is getting married!! Oh jippie! We have been waiting for this for so long. She went through some pretty trying times these last couple of months, and have been blessed with a wonderful fiancé, they adore each other, and I am so proud of her!

As most things in this life, a marriage is not “born” perfect, but through hard work and perseverance it is possible to create the most beautiful and perfect relationship and marriage. And if one remembers to include communication, love, trust and mutual respect, you have indeed a winning formula!

It's all just peachy....or so they say

Life cannot always be perfect and smooth sailing, which we all know. There are days where we are short tempered; we snap at one another, we take the crap until we cannot do it any more.
The dam will slowly start overflowing, the walls will start creaking and cracking, until finlly it can not hold anymore, and it will burst with fury, sending raw emotion upon raw emotion rushing through the gaping hole, allowing itself to empty from all the pressure.
... ... ...
I started writing this post , not really knowing what to say, I'm going tgrough a stage of frustration and all I could think about is how mad I currently was at things. But then hubby sends me a link, and it broke me down in tears...
As a mother and wife, you reach a stage in your life where you feel as if you have become invisible to your husband and children...
The lady in the link explained how she realised more and more and with each day passing that she was turning into that "invisible lady" to her family, as if they noticed her less and less, to a point where she started feeling "pretty darn pathetic". Then she received a from a friend returning from her travels through England, a book about 'The Great Cathedrals of Europe', and she did not understand why until she read the inscription her friend wrote on the inside of the cover :
"With admiration for the greatness that you are building when no one sees"
"You can't name the names of the people that build the Great Cathedrals, over and over again looking at the immense works, you scan down to find the names, and it says : "Builder : Unknow". They completed things not knowing that anyone would notice.
There is a story about one of the builders who was carving a tiny bird inside a beam that would be covered over by a roof, and someone came up to him and said "Why are you spending so much time on something no one will ever see". And it was reported that the builder replied : "Because God sees". They trusted that God saw everything.
They made personal sacrifices for no credit.
One writer even goes so far as to say that no Great Cathedrals will ever be build again because so few people are willing to sacrifice to that degree."
It is at this point where I realised...God sees us! We are not invisible to Him! No sacrifice is to small for Him to notice, He smiles over everyone and He notices every tear of disappointment when things don't go the way we want them to go. But remember, we are building Great Cathedrals.
"At times, being invisible might feel like an infliction, but it should not be a disease erasing our lives, it is the cure for the disease of self-centredness, it is the antidote to our own pride."
So let's do it right, let's do it well, let's build those Great Cathedrals, not for ourselves, not for them, but for Him that sees...
Let's also take a moment and think of those whose lives are currently engulfed by pain, sorrow and loss. Let's take a moment and say a prayer for them, let's allow our love and compassion to carry them through these difficult times. Let's be grateful for those small moments, because we never know when that moment might be the last one. To all those who suffer loss after the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy, we pray for you, we are sorry, deeply sorry for your loss and pain.
May their memories always live forth...they are and they always will be!

Start of a closing chapter…

In all honesty, I am not in a mood for work, not at all! I would rather be home, over-dosing on Christmas Decorations and doing nothing, might even throw in a Christmas Carols CD or two (just because I can)…sounds good to me


Every shop window, street corner, lamp pole and advertisement booklet in the paper is proudly decorated with all things Christmassy…

(and it is this time of the year again….oh happy happy, unfortunately we did not attend this year due to bad weather, rain and thunderstorms)

 

We fast approached the 1st of December, the 1st of the last month of the year, time to start preparation for the end of the year…or what ever or which ever way around. I struggle to decide whether I should speed up things that need to be done, or just slow down and ease into things.

We decided to take a long-awaited and well deserved vacation this year, which I am very excited about, cause this will be the first time we take Z to the sea (shame on us, I know!). I can already feel the sand beneath my feet and between my toes, the saltiness sticking to my skin, waves crashing, sea mist on my face, sea gulls squawking…man oh man…it’s gonna be good I tell you!

This vacation will also allow us some quality family time together, something that took a bit of neglect recently, which is not even excusable, cause yes, sadly life turned demanding and filled with hurriedness. (H’s latest catch phrase in the mornings : “Mom, are we late for school again?”)

Keeping a good balance in life can be a daunting task, keeping that perfect balance can be so difficult, and focus can be lost so easily. But sometimes it takes just that little bit of extra effort, that one minute extra, a quick conversation, and sometimes no words are needed at all, a hug can mean the world to a person, appreciated more than a 1000 words. But we all need that yin-yang balance, although it might be a bit crooked at times, it still needs to be there. We will always find a way to make it work, to get that balance back, don’t know how, but we manage to do it, maybe it is programmed into our subconscious and kicks in when the brain waves goes all over the place…something like that

So, no matter what makes your yin-yang tick, just find that special something and yang away!

P.S : This was my 100th post as well...

I’m pregnant….and then not….

Ok, so I had Biology in high school till matric, I loved drawing single cell organisms, but never could biology prepare me for the fact that the human body can be mysterious and strange…very, very strange.

I missed Aunt Flo, I’m never late, maybe a few days early, but never late. And when I’m late, I know the writing is on the wall. So this time I knew something was cooking.

I did an HPT…and waited…and waited…and waited…I waited for half an hour…and there was nothing, not even ONE line, never mind two. So I got this confused looked from hubby as he asked me “What does that mean?” Uhm, in all honesty, I don’t know… I have done about 8 or 9 HPT’s in my lifetime, and never before did I get a “nothing” result, most of my previous results have been 2 lines and the odd one here and there was a 1 liner, but never a “nothing”.

So I chucked the HPT in the bathroom dustbin and went to my mom’s for a visit, but when we got back home, my curiosity got the better of me, and there I was with my hand down the dustbin, digging around for the HPT…when I finally got hold of it, it was telling me a completely different story…there on the little screen where 2 very distinct pink lines….

Two pink lines are not that bad, we have talked about maybe expanding the Biekie-bunch with maybe one more…but soon the initial excitement was drowned by fears and “what if…”.

I have not yet came to a point where I can forgive myself for failing as a mother when I had to go for the D&C last year September, I don’t think I will ever be able to do so. As a mother I was suppose to protect my littlest with every inch and every part of my body and soul…and I could not do it…I failed myself and I failed the littlest.

So how will I be able to reassure myself this time around that I will not falter and fail again? How will I be able to protect when I’m not able to trust and forgive myself…the turmoil of emotions where endless and ongoing

Made an appointment with the Gynea for the following Monday. I walked into his office and sat down in front of his desk, he asked me the general “so you think you’re pregnant” questions, after which his showed me to the examination room. I walked into the room, the glare from the florescent light a bit overwhelming as I lay down on the bed and waited. The doctor came in, pulled up my shirt a bit and tucked that little blue cloth into the top of my pants. I felt the cold jelly being squirted onto my belly, a familiarity for me and my tummy. The probe was swishing around on my tummy, examining every inch of my womb…but all I was left with was a barren image….

Ok, so this is called hysterical pregnancy (just don’t know hysterical in which way), and dates as far back as Mary, Queen of England or something…. apparently this can also be described as purely psychological, and is mostly common in dogs and mice (Any further explanation needed???)

My brain told my body to prepare for something that there was nothing to prepare for. Is this my body, mind and soul rebelling?

This time around I am fine, I am really, really fine. It is just like waking up from a very realistic dream.

But I gave this a long hard thought, and maybe we should call this quits… We have two beautiful Biekies, of which we are very proud off and whom we love dearly. May I should take a moment to stop and count my blessings, be thankful for what I have and rather concentrate on that for now




THAT kind of Mom… (Consolidation post)

Yes, well apparently I am THAT kind of mom… (The kind that does numerous blog postings, saves them on her flash drive, but never get to the point where she actually posts them on her blog….)

the mom that always forgets to send the signed documentation and correspondence back to school in time;

the mom that will ALWAYS forget something (either being shoes, ok ok, mostly shoes) at someone’s house;

but most of all, I am that kind of mom that will always forget to RSVP on time…ALWAYS!

No matter how many reminders there are of the RSVP date, somehow I manage to miss them all and will only remember 2 or 3 days after the RSVP should have happened.

A week or so ago I received a phoned call from a rather distressed grandma asking whether H will be attending her grandson’s party that Saturday…and once again I realised that I forgot to RSVP…

Apparently being organised and punctual is soooo not my OCD. Sadly I do not even try and hide the fact that I am a scatter-brain (mainly due to the fact that it is quite obvious). And maybe this is reason enough for why I opted for 2 C-section rather than normal birth…(purely because I would have not been in time for the delivery)

And even though I try on various attempts to organise and sort everything, it never lasts more than 5 days before I am back at scatter-brain square 1.

Being a scatter brain is not easy, explanation set out in numerical order :

1. I rarely remember things, and for me to remember things, I need to make notes, but if I make notes, my whole desk is soon covered with sticky notes with at least 5 messages scribbled onto each…

2. I talk gibberish, cause my brain works way faster than my mouth so sentences are formed in my head at double the speed they leave my mouth, and the more excited I get, the faster I talk, the less the other person can understand

3. My thoughts get side-tracked in an instant

4. Insomnia is basically my best friend, I will lay awake at night till early hours of the morning cause I can not get my brain to stand still, take a breath, calm down and switch off. I will never be able to fall asleep in dead quiet, either the TV or the radio should be on for me to be able to sleep (to distract my brain from over-thinking, I guess)

Oh well, anyway

A bit a Biekie, a whole lot of boy….

My Bieki-baba turned 6! As I reflect back on these past 6 years, it is amazing to see where we came from and where we are today.

Six years ago, heavy pregnant, waddling like a duck, I was scared to death of what lay ahead for us as new parents. Not knowing what the future hold was even scarier than any theme-park ride I could ever imagine! Thoughts ran through my head, thoughts like “Will we survive”, and more important…“will the baby survive!”. But we took parenthood step by step, faced each challenge as it came, overcame it and survived…and yes…the baby stayed alive as well. We got through teething, crawling, walking, potty training, bottle weaning, stitches and Emergency Rooms. We celebrated each new accomplishment with heaps of pride and joy.

And looking back, these past 6 years have been the best time of my life. Who ever though such a little person can teach you so much!

We allowed H to decide what he wanted for his birthday, and the instructions were plain and simple : A party at the Spur and a lucky packet filled with toys for a present. And said instructions were carefully adhered to.

We organised a Spur birthday party for him and a few friends, and granddad was his hero when he showed up with a big bag filled to the brim with lucky packets, 24 lucky packets to be precise. Needless to say, my house is littered with plastic lucky packet toys, which can be found in every nook and cranny. He even took a few lucky packets to school as part of his lunch….

Congratulations with your 6th birthday my precious littlest Biekie, thank you for being part of our lives, for enriching our lives with love, joy and happiness, thank you for the lessons you taught us as parents. And we are looking forward to many more years to come!

We also recently celebrated my 31st birthday…damm… 3 1…. (please note that I do not feel 31, and no, I do not feel old or wish to refer to myself as old)

As part of the birthday celebration, hubby bought me the book “Bloom : Finding beauty in the unexpected”. I started reading the blog of Kelle Hampton (Enjoying the small things) when her birth story post of Nella spread like wild fire. Whilst reading the post, I bowled my eyes out; I could literally feel every single strand of raw emotion ripping through me. I fell in love with the Blog, I await each blog posting with great anticipation, follow it like there is no tomorrow… It feels like this blog became a household name for me, the “I’ve know her for years’ type of reaction. But getting back to the book, I’m reading it very, very slow, only a few pages at a time, savouring each moment, each phrase, each paragraph. I know I will read the book for a second time (and maybe a third) just to make sure that I did not miss anything, the smallest piece of detail.

 

I kind off like to idea of being 31, it feel so grown-up’ish, but instead of settling into a life that most woman my age does, I still do prefer sitting outside in the sandpit, playing with the littlest, digging holes and building bridges in the sand. I still prefer to rather jump with them on the jumping castle, doing handstands and trying my luck on H’s skateboard (which I should rather NOT be doing, I just might brake something).

With all the hustle and bustle of today’s life, escaping to being carefree is sometimes necessary, just to remind us how fun life can actually be, cause if you don’t do it…that is when you get old, that is when you forget how to live life, that is when you forget to enjoy the small things in life

The heart of a January…. ;)

Seeing that my blog is not famous (yet), and therefore I am not flooded with comments (yet), I truly appreciate that few that I do get. And I would like to share a conversation after a recent post I did, just because the comments was touchy and so heartfelt, and left me all warm and fuzzy…

• “I salute you for forgiving and moving on instead of harbouring hatred and ill feelings! Teaching your kids differently to what would be expected of someone who has gone through what your family has gone through”

* “Thank you for understanding the message behind my post. I saw so much hatred on FB with Mandela Day, and it was truly sad that as a nation we claim democracy and equality, but yet we cannot find it in our hearts to forgive the sins of our forefathers”

• “So true! Mandela day is a nice way of remembering him and those that fought for democracy etc. But we should not forget those who lost their lives.”

* “Instead of just celebrating Mandela, we should celebrate our country and the people living in it, those trying to make the difference.”

• “Yes, that is true! Cause you see, everyone went through the struggle. Not just Mandela and his friends.”

* “In some way or the other, it is a struggle for every person. And the struggles I have as a person does not make me a better or worse person that the guy next to me, it is suppose to ignite compassion to rather reach out a helping hand to the one next to you”

I’m not a politician, not even closely, and I do not talk politics and neither do I promote it, and my post was not directed in any political kind off way. For me it is about finding solutions in creating a better future, cause as a parent, I owe that to my children.

I had a few eye-opening moments these last couple of days, moments where I had to stand back and ask myself if this is the best possible example that I can set for my children, or can I improve on it, make it better in so many more ways? And it is hard to be completely satisfied with the person you are, we will always be faced with opportunities on which we can improve, learn from and grow from. We just need to take that first step, grab hold of those opportunities and make that change! Cause with change comes strength. And the stronger we grow as person, the easier it becomes to create that better future.

Mandela Day;

So, on the 18th of July 2012, we celebrated Mandela Day. Things such as freedom, democracy and equality were celebrated, but with all of the celebrations a lot of sad and painful events were also remembered.

The struggle throughout the history of South Africa was not an easy road; too many people were hurt in more than one way. The injustice done to the people were wrong. Many people lost their lives in a struggle that, to this day, have neither been won nor lost…

But then we have to ask ourselves “Why is this war still raging?”

The only real memory that I have of the Apartheids Era would be the 1994 election. I remember sitting in the living room, watching the tv, and the only images showing on the tv was that of the election, hundreds of people standing in queues, waiting to cast their votes, hoping to make a difference. More than that I honestly do not remember, I mean really, I was a child, enjoying life.

But the ripples caused by the Apartheids Era eventually reached our family, and my grandparents became part of the statistics of the notorious “Farm murders”.

I remember my dad sitting on the edge of their bed, his head cupped in his hands, crying. That was the first time I ever saw my dad cry.

I remember how I was overwhelmed by sadness and sorrow when my parents told me that my grandparents passed away.

I remember the pink dress I wore to their funeral; the dress had lace and little bows.

I remember thousands of tears streaming down the cheeks of familiar faces.

I remember my dad and uncles taking the shovels, and how shovel after shovel the dirt started to cover the caskets of the two people that I loved so dearly.

But what I remember most of all is how much I miss them…

…how I miss granny’s slap chips…

…how I would stand on my grandfather feet while he danced with me in the living room to the tune of “Dans met die rooi rok”…

…the bag filled with Quality Street tucked away in grandpa’s closet…

…the early morning smell of freshly brewed rooibos tea filling the house

My mind as child could not really grasp the reality behind all of it, and for me, missing them was far more important than hating those who cause the pain…. Years later I still prefer to focus on how much I miss them, keeping their memories alive and not allowing it to fade with time.

But yet, it saddens me to see that there are still so many people “trapped” in the happenings of our past, who refuse to let go, they grip onto it so tightly that it totally consumes them.

I refuse to raise my children in a world where hatred and anger clouds our minds and judgement, a world where decisions and accusations are based on the wrongdoings of the generations before us.

I want to teach my children the importance of respect for one another, the importance of equality. Teach them that they should treat others as they wish to be treated. I want to teach them that there is a place in the sun for each and every one of us. I refuse to tangle them into believing that they should hate for something that happened two, three of four generations ago. We cannot clutch onto the past when trying to create a better future.

We need to learn to let go, not for the sake of the past generations, but more important, for the sake of the future generations