Proud – prouder – atomic-sized-explosion-proud….

We all have our proud moments, those memories, when being thought of, still makes your heart go all warm, fussy and mushy.  If I had to look back and just name a few, it most probably would be the following :

• When I got my drivers licence first time;
• My engagement;
• (Obviously) my wedding day;
• Confirmation of my pregnancies;
• Hanco’s birth, that first little cry, a cry that confirmed that I was blessed with the title “Mother”;
• Same with Zhané’s birth, hearing her cry for the first time, being reminded that my blessings are countless
• Watching my kids reach all their milestones;

Those are just to name a few, but today was another one that I can add to my list.  Hanco took part in his very first athletics event; he ran the 60m as well as the 80m. 

But today was kind off bitter sweet for me as a mother, on the one hand, I was extremely proud of him, so proud that my chest literally pained from it, but on the other hand, I could not be there to support him, to stand next to the field and shout and cheer for him, to scoop him in my arms as he ran over the finish line, hug and kiss him, congratulate him and tell him just how very proud I am of him. 

This is just one of the few sad realisations of being a working-mom, cause you miss out on so many things.  Other people get to share precious moments with your kids, moments that you as mother was suppose to share with them.  And all of this just because I made the decision to be a working mom, to enable me to provide for them to the best of my financial ability, to provide them with good and reliable health care, good education, to pave their ways to a good, stable future.

But there are days where I long for the freedom of being a stay-at-home mom, the flexibility thereof, and the opportunity one gets to share in those cherished moments.

 

At least I got a photo or two of Hanco participating in today’s athletics, which sort-off somehow made me feel like I was almost there….

 

So, what are a few of your proudest moments? 

Taking the Challenge…

These last couple of days was a bit challenging to me, as wife as well as mother….

I have been on an emotional roller coaster of note, loosing control and dropping the balls on every twist, turn and bend of the roller coaster.  The more I try mending things, the more holes I find.

We have noticed a slight change in Hanco’s behaviour, as if he is a little bit more spiteful and on purpose, we have had some tears and snots as he refused to go to school, as the new teacher is a bit more strict with the kids as what H is used to, and I think emotionally he is struggling a bit with all of this, and the current situation at home is also not helping to improve things.  Zhané has turned into a little “attention-seeking-troll”, requiring more and more, and the more she gets, the more she wants, and beware of depriving her of said attention…man, things tend to turn ugly!  Unfortunately, Hanco pulls on the shortest end of this rope, cause it is easier to allow him to watch an animated movie while I tend to tantrum-troll than try and find an equal balance between the two.

But then, strangely, I get a e-mail from my sister, who was having a bit of a downer herself, and as I typed e-mail after a-mail, loading each with a few sentences filled with elderly-sister-advice, I think somehow, my own advice made me feel better in a small kind off way.

Maybe I should realise that things do not always go as we plan them, yes sometimes we are forced to take the road less travelled, but we have to remember…it’s not over till the fat lady sings, and lucky for me, this fat lady can not sing to save her life.

Sometimes we must just fight a little harder, try one more time, cause there are things in life that’s worth fighting for

First of many…

I somewhat, vaguely remember my first day of school, my new brown dress and the beige shirt underneath it, the grandness of my (first) new pair of school shoes, the little brown box suitcase my grandfather bought me. 

The excitement grew as mom and I entered the school grounds.  The big, brick buildings, the long hallways, everything was new to me, and I just could wait to start exploring every inch of it.  I could not get rid of my mom fast enough, just so that I could go sit at my desk, admiring the classroom, making sure my shoes stayed clean.  And I am pretty sure, if I close my eyes and think back hard enough I would be able to feel the wood surface of my desk underneath my fingertips, I would be able to smell my brand new box of Crayola crayons, hear the laughter of the children as the bell rang for break-time.  The more and more I sit here thinking about the memories I collected from my school days; the more and more I miss it.  We played marbles, hob-scotch, jumping rope and even a silly, little game where you used old (but clean) pantyhose from mom’s closet, but one of my favourite memories of way back then was the library and the books, the fact that I was taught the ability to read through countless pages, as much as I wanted and for as long as I wanted.  I enjoyed reading, it opened worlds for me that, I would never have been able to reach.

To be carefree, not worry about anything, to enjoy every moment as if there was no tomorrow, to learn, to explore…man those were the days!

Well that day finally arrived for Hanco…. his first day of school.  And I wanted everything to be just perfect for him.  I packed, unpacked and repacked his school bag maybe 3 times, made sure everything is clearly marked with “Hanco Botha” (I think his school bag is marked in 3 different places), his school uniform was ready, school shoes cleaned, lunch box packed and juice bottle filled.

As we drove to school, he sat quietly next to me in the car, observing our route as he does most of the time, but once we neared the school he was a sudden burst of energy and excitement.  He could not wait to get out of the car and enter the school grounds.  As we waited for Guilm to arrive, he was a non-stop-babbling-mess!

The moment finally arrived, he was allowed to walk through those big gates and enter this great adventure, and he started the new chapter in his life. 

They took us to his class, we met his teacher, but…. just as I did some 24 odd years ago, he also could not wait that we leave just so that he could go and play.  He could care less about the day of tomorrow or the philosophy of life, he only cared in doing what he knows best…. being a child.

And on your first day of school you showed us courage and bravery, you faced it with a smile on your face, you were proud, but even more, we as parents, standing behind you were bursting, bursting because you make us proud!

So cheers my littlest Biekie, cheers to great adventures and new chapters. 

May this truly be the best years of your life?  

 

Another story, a new chapter

Our New Year started with a few fireworks seen in a distance, the “+ Project” and a missing dog (who strangely suddenly appeared out of nowhere, as if she was not missing at all….and who by the way, weirdly went missing exactly one year ago as well….)

We decided against any New Year’s Resolutions for 2012 (I mean, really, who keeps to them anyway?), instead we will “create” projects as we go along, our first two for 2012 being : “The + Project” and the “Breaking bad habits Project”

The + Project :

We will try to see and do at least one positive (+) thing every day, the more the better, but at least one will do.

Breaking bad habits Project :

Which ever bad habit it may be, we will attempt in breaking it.  Both Guilm and I decided on the 3^rd that we have indulged long enough in our bad habit, and decided to put a stop to it, but in doing so, Mark decided that if we can do it, so can he, so all and all, the three of us have been bad habit-less for a total of 9 days now, and counting.  Apparently it takes 21 days to consider a bad habit broken, we are almost halfway…we can do this!

 *****

I can’t get myself to finish marking Hanco’s school requirements…. it is just to damm difficult and heartbreaking!  But I have to pull myself together, as school starts soon.  We will be there, right beside him, holding his hand, as he walks through the gates for the first time.  We will be there to comfort when all gets a bit to overwhelming; we will be there to witness the excitement. 

But then the time will come where I will have to let go of his hand, give him a hug, a kiss and an “I love you lots”.  

I will have to turn around, walk away and allow him to explore this wonderful new phase in his life, and I will do it with a smile on my face (let me rather re-phrase : A smile IN my heart and tears ON my face).  Yes it is sad to see them grow up so fast, but on the other side, it is absolutely amazing to see them grow, to reach the milestones, to learn, explore, play, to be a child,  but also grow into this perfect littlest human being.

I will love him (them) till end of time and then even some more, for they are my littlest, my Biekies, my everything, my reason for being, my reason for existing.

2012

As 2012 begins to slowly unveil herself, and Merry Jingles becomes a distant thought, I wish upon you joys, laughter, love, hope, peace, happiness, faith & everlasting friendship! Thank you for being part of my remembrance of 2011 and may we share many more to come!

 

The next Chapter : Our Christmas Story unfolds

Ok, so 5 (and yes, please note 5) days before Christmas, I suddenly decided that this year would be the perfect year for the kids to create hand-made Christmas Cards for Grandparents, Aunts & Uncles, so let’s see how this one goes….more to follow….  We shall re-attempt this tradition next year….no further comments

With us being so busy I desperately tried to create some magic surrounding this wonderful time of year.  There was truly moments where it felt as if Christmas lost it’s magic, as if the commercialism of Christmas is killing it’s spirit, as if the Christmas spark is slowly fading away.  But we fought back; we fought for the magic of Christmas time, the beauty, the wonder, and the splendour thereof…

So, we have :   

  

• Blinking Christmas Lights      √       

• Christmas Stockings filled with all sorts of goodies      √   

• All the Christmas presents wrapped      √    

(all but mom’s, which by the way, was bought and wrapped in time for Christmas Day). 

• Christmas presents stocked underneath the Christmas Tree      √  

• Spending quality time as a family on Christmas Eve      √   

• Hanco pretending to be Father Christmas, playing with Sparklers and making sure that hungry reindeers had something to eat when they landed at our house      √

I read the story of Christmas out of 2 different storybooks, just to make sure that the littlest understood what it is all about.  We opened gifts from the Christmas Stockings, whilst we waited for the arrival of Santa and his reindeers…but eyes grew heavy and littlest tired, so off to bed they went….

Christmas Day was met with great anticipation, we had to inspect the bowl of reindeer food, and found it to be empty….smiles grew wider, excitement filled the air.  But the greatest joy I could have received on any Christmas morning was that of seeing the beaming from the faces of my Biekies when they saw what waited for them underneath the Christmas Tree, no matter how big or how small, they were grateful for what they have received, and that is one of the greater lessons in life to be learned….being grateful for what you have and being grateful for what you have received.

This was truly a wonderful Christmas, spending time with family, reconnecting with loved ones on various different levels.  But most of all, watching my littlest Biekies through all of this made me realise how blessed we as a family truly are. 

Yes, life might not be always moonshine and roses, and the path may at times be a rocky one, but we, as a family, can do this.  We can wave 2011 goodbye, knowing that what he had to offer, was actually not all that bad, we can thank him for the good times, the smiles and the loves, we can look back and learn for the tougher moments, we can allow those moments to make us stronger.

And what does 2012 have in store for us….I don’t know, I can only but wonder what he will deliver, and we will await same with grate anticipation